Not all my dates are rosey dosey & fancy dancy. Although it will make me vulnerable, I still wanted to share this story. Everybody makes mistakes. And I’m far from perfect, I know.
I had “some” experience with blind dates, but that was either VERY long ago (when I tried Tinder years back), or not a “real” blind date.
Soon after installing Happn, the first (real) blind date was arranged. I really liked the conversation I had with this guy on the App, he looked cute on the pictures and he wrote without errors (haha). He seemed to be a sportive guy (surfer), living in Amsterdam, with brains (and his own company). It felt good.
We planned an appointment on a Saturday afternoon. He was coming to my town where we would go for a drink, with bites. There is one acceptable place to go for that (besides a Michelin starred restaurant, but that would be a little over the top haha #goals). I brought my dog. The horror, when I entered the place and seemed to be completely FULL! There was only space at the bar. Which was not so handy with my dog. I was totally nervous, had no idea what to do.
I always get very nervous and insecure when people ask me to “arrange” things. It is my fear of failure. And actually, it is stupid to worry about this. It is very easy for the guy to say “you pick the place”, so that he doesn’t have to bother about this anymore, while it gives me a LOT of stress.
Anyway, I had no other option than to call him and explain. He was already en-route to my place. He asked me to think of an alternative. I proposed to go to a bar in a hotel in The Hague, because I know for sure there is always space. It was the worst idea ever.
So, he picked me up at my house (I dropped the dog at home). The first thing he said was that his actual name was different from the name he used on Happn, I was like mmm, OK… I got in his car and he made a remark about all the dog hairs which were apparently on my lap (gosh, I take my animals everywhere haha). I felt so inferior and small. I tried wiping off the hairs, resulting in them flying around in the car, haha. I only made it worse. And this was just the start. Anyways, it was all snowing hairs in the car :-).
The good thing is that I was right about the bar: there was absolutely nobody here. What a contrast! The waiter came, and I asked him for a special wine I always drink (for the curious people: Barriques). The horror! When the waiter spoke the following words “the same wine you had two weeks, three days and (looking at his watch) 2 hours ago?”. This was SO embarrassing! First off, I didn’t visit that place in half a year. Second, my date thought that I apparently bring all my dates there. You know tomato? A tomato is fair compared to the color of my face at that moment. I decided to not go on about it, but I know my date was not stupid. But what could I say I would apparently only made it worse. Note to self: never go to a place where I went before.
I was SO mixed up by everything, even the Barriques & oysters couldn’t made it better. The guy himself was also very quiet, leaving long silences. And what do I do? Fill up the quiet by just saying stupid things (apparently). Again, I was only making things worse. Aaahhhh! But, we talked about my fear of failure in competitions with my horse. And about the fact that I was going to the European Championships with my horse, and that I was really proud of that. Some general chit-chat. I thought.
Then we started talking about dating. About the fact that this was my first Happn-date. I told him I always think everybody wants to “sell” their selves on their profile. So everybody is putting a nice “advertisement” on it. And that I think everybody has difficulties with rejection, because I always think everybody is in general happy with their selves. OK, I KNOW this is stupid, but I was just nervous, saying stupid things to fill up the quiet, feeling more and more stupid and insecure because of the things I said.
He replied with the famous words “you are rather full of yourself, aren’t you”, and he immediately asked for the bill. “There wouldn’t be so many psychologists around if everybody was happy about their selves. And not everybody can turn that around or change it, he explained. I meant it in a total different way, as nobody is writing on their profile what a messed up mind (and life) they have. But I decided to “let it go” and not make it ANY worse. And I thanked him for giving me a different insight, as I did not look at it that way (which was true). Now, I can look back & laugh, but right there, I just wanted to die. I was also a little mad, because I told him openly about my insecurities earlier.
During our ride home, he said that still he thought it would be fun to go to a party with me sometimes. But you know, I’m not looking for party-mates. Also I’m not the party girl people think I am (why? Why? WHY? I’m a nerdy not liking to drink bad ass wine and I hate drugs, sweaty people and too crowded places). So I thanked him for the honors.
Still, I think on paper we would have been a good match. He was a nice, sensitive guy, he looked stylish and he was smart/ social. I wish I had this “rehearsal” with somebody else. I really messed this one up! I still feel ashamed. But I’m thankful for the perspective he gave me and I really learned a lot from it. Of course, I still regret that I was not able to show my “true colors”. And that he probably got a total different image of me.